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April 21, 2009

8 Marriage-Busters to Give Up

Today We'll say it straight up(坦白地):

There's no good reason in the world to hang onto(坚持)these habits.

They aren't helping.

1. Nagging(v.唠叨), nagging, nagging. We know about the squeaky wheel(注1), but complaining loud and long gets you only short-term gains and builds up(建立)powerful discontent(n.不满) on your spouse's side.

2. Blaming, criticizing, and name-calling(谩骂,指责). These tactics belittle(v.轻视) the person you promised to love, honor, and cherish; let you play angel to his or her devil; and don't address the responsibility you both share for your marital(adj.婚姻的) happiness.

 3. Bullying, rudeness, and selfishness. These ugly power plays tell your partner that he or she doesn't count(v.重要) at all in your eyes.

4. Peacekeeping and passive placating(v.安抚,平息). A "whatever you say, Dear" attitude may keep your home quieter but leaves you in the martyr's(n.受难者) role.

5. Deploying logic all the time. Life isn't the Enterprise; playing the dispassionate Mr. Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings but also subtly tells your spouse that his or her feelings don't count either.

6. Throwing up(产生) distractions. Being hyperactive(adj.过度活跃), fooling around(游荡)all the time, and refusing to focus -- in conversation or in life -- often is an attempt to avoid intimacy(n.亲密) or difficult issues, which can be horribly frustrating for your mate.

7. Stonewalling(v.拒绝回应,抵制). Not much can happen when one spouse just won't talk about it.

8. Making unilateral(adj.拒绝的) decisions about the big things. If you're making major decisions on your own about your money, your time, your kids, and your family life, you're acting without accountability(n.责任) and cutting off the possibility of joint(adj.共同的,联合的) decision-making and deeper intimacy.

实话实说:不要养成下列习惯,它们对婚姻没有丝毫帮助。

1. 喋喋不休。会吵的小孩有糖吃,大声抱怨是会带来眼前好处,但你的另一半却会因此对你渐生不满。

2. 责备,批评与谩骂。这些恶习会使你承诺去爱、去尊敬、去珍惜的另一半儿感到备受轻视;对于另一半儿的错误,你应该像天使一样去对待;不要问究双方应共同承担的幸福婚姻的责任和义务。

3. 威逼,粗俗,自私。这些丑陋的暴力行径会让你的另一半感到:他(她)在你眼里不重要。

4. 维持和平与被动和解。“亲爱的,你说什么都行。”这种态度可能不会引起争吵,但会使你成为不幸婚姻的牺牲品。

5. 过于理性。过日子不是经营企业;像个理性的史巴克先生不仅会让你不近人情,也会微妙地向你的另一半传递出:他(她)的感情在你的心里没有份量。

6. 注意力分散。在谈话和生活中,如果表现得过份活跃,喜欢和周围人打闹,或者拒绝集中注意力,一般会让人感到你想逃避亲密行为或麻烦问题,你的另一半儿也会为此产生挫败感。

7. 拒绝交流。当一方拒绝交流时什么进度也不会发生。

8. 对大事做单边决定。如果在做有关金钱、时间、孩子或家庭生活等重大决定时单独行动,你在做没有责任意识的行为,掐断了共同作决定的可能性,也不利于加深夫妻间的亲密感。

More entries: Limbo地狱(translate English to chinese), the autumn leaves, met you (1), best work , love is what, yesterday, 8 marriage--busters to give up, 200 meters long dragon with more than 200 longs Paramisgurnus YUEQING folk dance scene Lantern, four--leaf clover poem, translate If to chinese

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