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help me improve my writing skills .

charming princess

Saudi Arabia

Hi everybody,

   I need to improve my writing skills and this is why i decided to keep on writing every other day. Today i finished writing a paragraph about my favorite video game. I would love if you read it and gave me your feedback. You can comment on the structure , ideas, content, grammar, spelling , word choice , topic sentence or the supporting sentences. you can comment also on unity and coherence of the paragraph . I would really appreciate it !

 

Here is my paragraph :

 

 

I have been so fascinated by the video game Resident Evil that I wanted to become a Zombie myself. This video game is fabulous in every aspect . First of all , the compelling, action-packed storyline of the game is so gripping that I cannot stop playing once I get started. For instance, I finished one of Resident Evil games in one session. Simply, I could not stop. Second, the realistic and scary nature of the game makes me scared without really being terrified, a combination of feelings I really enjoy. I know that no Zombie could get out of the closet , nor a Nemesis could knock off the wall coming after me. Finally, and most importantly, is that the game involves shooting and killing tens of Zombies and other creatures with unlimited ammunition. This helps me vent out my stress and anger without really harming anyone. For all these reasons, Resident Evil stands out as the best video game out there.

 

 

Waiting for your feedback !  Smile  Cool

08:40 AM Nov 12 2010 |

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azooz89

azooz89

Saudi Arabia

i think it is a good paragraph , good  structure and connected ideas

 

believe me if i give it to my teacher in KSU i'll got A+

10:38 AM Nov 12 2010 |

charming princess

Saudi Arabia

Azooz Thank you very much for your words of encouragement ! haha I wish I were a student in your class Cool Thank you for taking the time to read my paragraph .

01:27 PM Nov 12 2010 |

charming princess

Saudi Arabia

Van Gogh. Thank you ! Your post is more than I wished for ! I thought it  too much to ask someone to express my ideas with his/her own words. I am more than delighted with your post. I am going to study your post word by word ! Thank you again. And you comments are much appreciated. I will remove the unnecessary words.

01:36 PM Nov 12 2010 |

charming princess

Saudi Arabia

I would love to hear other members' feedback . Waiting Smile

01:43 PM Nov 12 2010 |