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10 recommendations by the Dubai Family Guidance Department

Mapleleaf Man

United States

Here are 10 recommendations by the Family Guidance and Reformation Department of the Dubai Courts. Isn't this 2008? I can't believe that people actually think this is true. No wonder the divorce rate in the UAE is sky rocketing. 

 This is what they recommend:

Recommendations to wives

  1. Men are different from women
  2. Men are not talkative, so don’t nag
  3. Men like to be the focus of a woman’s attention so don’t ignore them or make them feel unwanted
  4. Men like to talk about their work, so don’t expect them to talk about everything you like
  5. Men may have a hard time expressing their feelings, so don’t force them to say something they don’t want to say
  6. Men by nature hate failure, so try not to criticise them
  7. Men like to be alone when they get angry, so don’t intrude on their solitude
  8. Men are capable of solving problems, so don’t impose your thoughts on them
  9. Men don’t shop that much and they like a contented woman, so don’t be too demanding
  10. Men like a woman who can satisfy their desires, so shower them with love and care as well as appreciation

Recommendations to husbands

  1. Women are different from men
  2. Women are more sensitive and emotional and expect your support all the time
  3. Women like a man who flirts with them and satisfies them sexually
  4. Women like to talk about themselves, so don’t criticise (sic) them
  5. Women like shopping and spending money, so don’t be a miser. Try to offer her gifts and invite her to go out frequently
  6. Women like to feel loved and cared for
  7. Don’t think of committing adultery because it is very harsh on a woman’s feelings
  8. Women like to be heard or listened to, so don’t stay away from your wife
  9. Women’s moods and attitudes change during pregnancy and menstruation so take this into consideration
  10. Women need a man to trust and rely on, so don’t disappoint her

These concepts are so out-dated and incredibly male-oriented that I thought I was reading something from the 50s. I can only assume that the situation is worse in more conservative countries. 

 

12:28 PM Sep 15 2008 |

Go to the TOEFL® page >

kikam

kikam

Algeria

this is not quoran or bible or something like this, those are only" recommendadtions" and i find most of them useful. one may not be able to aplly them all but it's worth it.

in addition, they were adressed to a muslim community so how could you judge for them wether it's a good or a bad thing.you acn't think as a muslim does.

personally, it's the first time i read these instruction find the "recommendations" worth it and thanks a lot for the information..Wink

12:55 PM Sep 15 2008 |

tinyry

tinyry

Morocco

i think imaazh has a good point, to know the resource is crucial.

 

03:35 PM Sep 15 2008 |

oonah

oonah

Germany

Recommendations to husbands

  1. Women are different from men
  2. Women are more sensitive and emotional and expect your support all the time
  3. Women like a man who flirts with them and satisfies them sexually
  4. Women like to talk about themselves, so don’t criticise (sic) them
  5. Women like shopping and spending money, so don’t be a miser. Try to offer her gifts and invite her to go out frequently
  6. Women like to feel loved and cared for
  7. Don’t think of committing adultery because it is very harsh on a woman’s feelings
  8. Women like to be heard or listened to, so don’t stay away from your wife
  9. Women’s moods and attitudes change during pregnancy and menstruation so take this into consideration
  10. Women need a man to trust and rely on, so don’t disappoint her

 

I could live with rules like that…

04:57 PM Sep 15 2008 |

Mapleleaf Man

United States

This is the source : http://www.xpress4me.com/news/uae/national/20007632.html

This post was in response to a post in Ask English  about arranged marriages as opposed to 'love' marriages. Here is the link to that post: https://www.englishbaby.com/forum/AskEnglish/thread/204784

If you read the article from the link I have posted above, you will see that there are many reasons for an ever-increasing divorce rate in the UAE and, I presume, elsewhere across the world where women are thankfully getting more knowledge and more power. 

My point in posting these recommendations was to illustrate how far out of touch the writers of these recommendations are. Many of the points are so old fashioned, for example : a.  Women like shopping and spending money, so don’t be a miser. Try to offer her gifts and invite her to go out frequently, b. Women need a man to trust and rely on, so don’t disappoint her, c. Men don’t shop that much and they like a contented woman, so don’t be too demanding, d. Women like to talk about themselves, so don’t criticise (sic) them. (criticize was spelled incorrectly in the article so I left it that way, hence the sic).

As far as kikam's point about this being aimed at Muslims, I would ask, "What is the difference?" In a world where we should be looking for similarities instead of differences, how can one support a statement like that? Women are women all over the world and men are men. Culture creates differences much more so than religion. I have talked to women and men from virtually everywhere on the planet. The thinking process is much the same, the language is different but underneath it all, we are pretty much the same. 

My point is, get with the times and change your attitudes or the world will leave you behind. Divorce rates are high in the west too, so don't think I am ignoring that. This isn't a Muslim/Christian/Jewish/whatever debate, it's a wake-up call for those parts of the world where governments and cultures have blinders on and cannot see that changes have to be made. 

Men in the UAE can marry foreign women but women can't. Men in many countries can have four wives but women can't have four husbands. Maybe it's time to look at all of this and figure out what's going on. We have a problem here too in North America with the Morman fundamentalists who can have as many wives as they want,  so don't think I am biased. If I am biased, then I am biased against any culture that represses females under the guise of religion or history. We are created equal. The countries that fight for gender equality are the most powerful, creative and successful ones in the world. You can't argue with success. 

 

09:22 PM Sep 15 2008 |

tiffintime

tiffintime

Sri Lanka

I remember reading similar recommendations in some of the very old issues of the Readers' Digest, though I'm not too sure about the recommendation for a man to "flirt" with his own wife. 

Mapleleaf Man, I was wondering yesterday why you had added "sic" after the word "criticise". Actually, the spelling is acceptable to the British. Another example is "standardise" for "standardize".   

http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=18373&dict=CALD

http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=77505&dict=CALD

07:06 AM Sep 16 2008 |

jadd051

jadd051

Thailand

Hey Oonah, I like the recommendations for husbands too! Laughing

Just a little exception though, in number 8…"so don’t stay away from your wife"

Undecided... I like to be alone sometime..

07:14 AM Sep 16 2008 |

tinyry

tinyry

Morocco

maplea

i wish you can give a second tought

i think you should read the two recommendations for both husbands and wives then you will see the balance:for instance these two:

Women like shopping and spending money, so don’t be a miser. Try to offer her gifts and invite her to go out frequently

+

Men don’t shop that much and they like a contented woman, so don’t be too demanding

 each statement in recommendations to wives is balanced by another one in recommendations to husbands.

if you think about it you will find that you yourself are following these recommendations sometimes: to please you wife or girlfriend, don't you want to do what pleases her : shopping, listening to her, care about her , love her and vice versa she will not disturb you when she shouldn't, loves you, not to be too demanding etc you will both trying to make it easy for one another to live together, so this is it . that's th e point  from these recommendations, this was just an example….

after all,, these are only recommendations ;one has the right to follow or not 

 polygamy is another subject , we cannot relate it to these recommendations.

you think the recommendations are a way to repress women how come that the ladies of the forum approve them!!! and i'm one of them .

 

thank you this a very interesting subject.

02:44 PM Sep 17 2008 |

oonah

oonah

Germany

 

I believe men and women differ very much from one another. In their way of thinking, reacting and feeling. I don't think that it is an outdated idea, actually there is a lot in the recommendations that is very spot on.

 

I cannot see anything in these recommendations that seems threatening to me. It is not because an idea comes from a certain part of the world that it is automatically meant to be repressive for women. And often it is not the rules themselves but the personal interpretation of these rules that makes them bad for women.

 

It is a good thing that we, men and women, are different, and I find it very pleasant too. Feminism is outdated too, most women these days embrace their femininity, appreciate the differences and know how to let them work in our advantage.

Wink

10:29 PM Sep 19 2008 |

oonah

oonah

Germany

"Hey Oonah, I like the recommendations for husbands too! LaughingJust a little exception though, in number 8…"so don’t stay away from your wife"
Undecided... I like to be alone sometime.."

Hey Jadd! Laughing

When you need time alone, just ask your man to fix something in the house, or tell him you want him to paint the living room. You'll suddenly have plenty of lonely hours to fill than! He will avoid you as much as possible. Hehe. I think it is a natural instinct or something.

 

 

 

 

10:45 PM Sep 19 2008 |

jadd051

jadd051

Thailand

Ow..such a great tips! lol LaughingLaughing 

Thanks a bunch! ^^

11:18 PM Sep 19 2008 |