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Life Talk!

10 recommendations by the Dubai Family Guidance Department

Mapleleaf Man

Canada

Here are 10 recommendations by the Family Guidance and Reformation Department of the Dubai Courts. Isn't this 2008? I can't believe that people actually think this is true. No wonder the divorce rate in the UAE is sky rocketing. 

 This is what they recommend:

Recommendations to wives

  1. Men are different from women
  2. Men are not talkative, so don’t nag
  3. Men like to be the focus of a woman’s attention so don’t ignore them or make them feel unwanted
  4. Men like to talk about their work, so don’t expect them to talk about everything you like
  5. Men may have a hard time expressing their feelings, so don’t force them to say something they don’t want to say
  6. Men by nature hate failure, so try not to criticise them
  7. Men like to be alone when they get angry, so don’t intrude on their solitude
  8. Men are capable of solving problems, so don’t impose your thoughts on them
  9. Men don’t shop that much and they like a contented woman, so don’t be too demanding
  10. Men like a woman who can satisfy their desires, so shower them with love and care as well as appreciation

Recommendations to husbands

  1. Women are different from men
  2. Women are more sensitive and emotional and expect your support all the time
  3. Women like a man who flirts with them and satisfies them sexually
  4. Women like to talk about themselves, so don’t criticise (sic) them
  5. Women like shopping and spending money, so don’t be a miser. Try to offer her gifts and invite her to go out frequently
  6. Women like to feel loved and cared for
  7. Don’t think of committing adultery because it is very harsh on a woman’s feelings
  8. Women like to be heard or listened to, so don’t stay away from your wife
  9. Women’s moods and attitudes change during pregnancy and menstruation so take this into consideration
  10. Women need a man to trust and rely on, so don’t disappoint her

These concepts are so out-dated and incredibly male-oriented that I thought I was reading something from the 50s. I can only assume that the situation is worse in more conservative countries. 

 

12:28 PM Sep 15 2008 |

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oonah

oonah

Germany

are men really capable of solving problems?!!!

A good woman knows how to let her man believe that it was him who came up with the solution. It's better for their ego.
Wink

 

oonah, it's nice that your man pays the bill,isn't it?Winkit's a good way to feel fimlinity.

yeah, he's the best. :)
( Alltho I like to joke about it, I love him very very much and would still love him even if he coudn't pay the bill. )

 

11:41 AM Sep 24 2008 |

spontan

spontan

Germany

hi lilimira, hi oonah,

don't forget your recommendation for wives..

2.Men are not talkative, so don’t nag.

oh my ego could grow under the rules,maybe i should go more into the church ,so i could use the Christian rules…with the Dubai rules i have no chance by my wive she will not accept because she is Christian…

i guess the Belgian wives are like the German wives they like to teach us, so the husbands are thinking about how they can rescue their male inside, their male ego…oh i wish we could use the rules so we need no psychological tricks all is clear you have your acceptable male dutys and she must obey!     

 

03:29 PM Sep 24 2008 |

oonah

oonah

Germany

you have your acceptable male dutys and she must obey! 

oh, kinky. :)

 

04:24 PM Sep 24 2008 |

spontan

spontan

Germany

oh, kinky. :)

yes oonah this kinds of rules are kinky,i don't know why Christian and Muslim need this kind of rules,it is much easier to live on the same level together, with respect each other and with love!  

09:30 PM Sep 24 2008 |

oonah

oonah

Germany

it is much easier to live on the same level together, with respect each other and with love!  

I agree, everyone should decide for themselves how their relationship works best and with respect and love you come a long way.

03:08 PM Sep 27 2008 |

oonah

oonah

Germany

it's not a GOVERNMENT publication.

Well, he clearly writes in his post: "Canadian church rules", he doesn't say it's a government publication.

 

Once men stop trying to control women, and once women stop trying to trick men (as oonah seems to be good at) then marriages and life in general will be better.

hehe, trying to trick? :)
I don't know of many marriages failing because of a woman tricking a man. But maybe I misinterpretate it and you can explain it to me?

 

Maybe not in Belgium, which may be in the Middle Ages too, but where I live, women are quick to grab a hammer.

That is more a statement on the lazyness of the men there if you ask me.
Laughing

They probably think it's quicker when they do it themselves.

03:24 PM Sep 27 2008 |

Jane Doe

Jane Doe

Indonesia

I dont think Oonah ever stated that Women never been able to have the same track record as men.

She did say she likes the differences between men and women and YES women and men are different no matter how hard you tried to argue the fact. BUT it doesnt mean that Oonah said that they are different in roles or chances on education or work. she never stated that, she stated about male's ego: 'I'm Mr. Handyman' and women's BFF (shopping IS my BFF :P )

I dont think she ever agree with men are innately smarter than women or whatever you said, she is just simply stating that now, feminism is out of date..just because she believes in the basic of men and women doesnt mean she is not agree with equality in education or job. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cope your feminin side, having him standing so tall for you yet you can have more grades than your man and have a better job.

I think I'm talking crap after all this stupid hangover lol but Oonah my dear I hope you understand what I meant and you too Mystery man ;)I do get your point really and I agree with you, I think Oonah too it just that I felt like you misread what Oonah had said ;) at the end of the topic I hope you realized that actually we're from the same point of view..

ps: What kind of trick are we talking about? I think everything in relationship comes from tricks. I tricked him and lure him to fall in love to me, I tricked him to get me the bags that I want on my birthday, I tricked him to go out of shopping with me even though I know he hate it..and you call stuff like this a trick? one thing honey, men love to be tricked..

If you are trying to say Oonah is using her man, I'm loosing my respect to you ;) because noone have the right to be judgemental towards someone's private life. You argue and attack the ideas, the point of view, the way they think but you do not have the right to 'tickle' someone's private life the wrong way..

 

 

08:18 AM Sep 28 2008 |

spontan

spontan

Germany

to mystery you wrote:

it's not a GOVERNMENT publication. Are you nuts?

 

 

Published: May 22, 2008, 08:48 Torn apart: When love's gone

By Zaher Bitar, Staff Reporter

Add comment>

There was a time when a break-up of a marriage was unheard of in Arab society.

But divorce rates in the UAE have become so high that at Friday prayers earlier this month, imams at mosques around the country, citing verses from the Quran, warned Muslims that divorce was permissible only when life together was impossible for both partners.

They said harsh words and mistakes should be ignored in order to preserve "family integration and marital bliss".

Social commentators have warned that the UAE is witnessing a historic breakdown of the family unit. One in five married Emiratis gets divorced, while in Saudi Arabia, rates have soared to more than 60 per cent.

Pull quote

Divorce could be a good option for a couple who find living together unbearable. Khalifa Al Mehrzi, counsellor, Happy Family Centre, Dubai

Pull quote

Khalifa Al Mehrzi, family counsellor at Happy Family Centre in Dubai, said attitudes are changing and some now see the upside to leaving a spouse who makes life miserable. The centre is a non-profit private organisation which seeks to address family-related issues, including divorce cases and disputes.

"Divorce could be a good option for a couple who find living together unbearable amid an unhealthy atmosphere of non-stop clashes and distraction of children," Al Mehrzi said.

But he added: "Divorce not only has a negative impact on the family but it also overwhelms the entire society with problems which constrain the country’s development."

* What’s most important for a long-lasting marriage? Vote in our poll.

He said that marital dissatisfaction among spouses was the chief cause for divorce cases. Trying to stop the trend is difficult, he said, given that "sex education is still taboo in the Arab culture".

"The majority of Emirati women don’t have enough courage to tell the judge that she wants to get a divorce because there is no sexual harmony between her and her husband."

A study on divorce and its effect on women, conducted by Al Mehrzi in 2006, revealed that rigid traditional, religious and social underpinnings of Emirati marriages constitute the key reasons for divorce.

Other reasons include insufficient marital education, men committing adultery, drug addiction and arranged marriages.

Al Mehrzi added that the rapid changes taking place in the country are not only changing people’s lifestyles but also their beliefs about marriage and the partner they should select.

Numbers speak louder

One in five Emiratis who got married in Dubai Courts in 2007 applied for divorce the same year, official statistics show. With almost one divorce case a day in the Dubai Courts, the problem, he said, is getting bigger where the complainant, in most cases, was the wife and the husband was the defendant.

Senior family guidance workers at the Dubai Courts said that the increase in marriage break-ups in the past few years was fuelled by the openness of society and the inflow of women of other nationalities.

Abdul Al Salam Mohammad Darwish, Head of the Family Guidance and Reformation Department, said: "Out of 1,205 marriages in Dubai in 2007, there were 247 divorces."

Darwish said the department received 2,447 applications for divorce last year, but after counselling and intervention, 63 per cent of the couples decided to work on their marriage.

As many as "66 per cent of the divorce cases happened in the first two years of marriage due to lack of proper marital education, where there was no sense of responsibility, harmony and minimum level of communication between the spouses".

Darwish, in his study, found that 51 per cent of the 2,447 couples surveyed had wrong perceptions about marriage and building a family.

A further 13 per cent of the couples had financial problems, 12 per cent of husbands were reported to be abusing their wives, seven per cent of the problems were attributed to polygamy, seven per cent to moral corruption, five per cent to husbands abandoning their wives and two per cent of couples said parents interfered in the marriage.

To save the marriage institution, Darwish has proposed the formation of a family council authority to provide rules and regulations to ensure couples are given counselling and education before they tie the knot.

10 recommendations Family Guidance and Reformation Department at the Dubai Courts gives to newly married couples

Recommendations to wives

  1. Men are different from women
  2. Men are not talkative, so don’t nag
  3. Men like to be the focus of a woman’s attention so don’t ignore them or make them feel unwanted
  4. Men like to talk about their work, so don’t expect them to talk about everything you like
  5. Men may have a hard time expressing their feelings, so don’t force them to say something they don’t want to say
  6. Men by nature hate failure, so try not to criticise them
  7. Men like to be alone when they get angry, so don’t intrude on their solitude
  8. Men are capable of solving problems, so don’t impose your thoughts on them
  9. Men don’t shop that much and they like a contented woman, so don’t be too demanding
  10. Men like a woman who can satisfy their desires, so shower them with love and care as well as appreciation

Recommendations to husbands

  1. Women are different from men
  2. Women are more sensitive and emotional and expect your support all the time
  3. Women like a man who flirts with them and satisfies them sexually
  4. Women like to talk about themselves, so don’t criticise them
  5. Women like shopping and spending money, so don’t be a miser. Try to offer her gifts and invite her to go out frequently
  6. Women like to feel loved and cared for
  7. Don’t think of committing adultery because it is very harsh on a woman’s feelings
  8. Women like to be heard or listened to, so don’t stay away from your wife
  9. Women’s moods and attitudes change during pregnancy and menstruation so take this into consideration
  10. Women need a man to trust and rely on, so don’t disappoint her

They chose to untie the knot

Fatimah

Fatimah, 27, was divorced after 14 months of marriage two years ago. The Emirati woman said she "has found new hope in life".

She said her ex-husband was initially good to her but after three months of marriage, he began drinking alcohol and taking drugs.

"He would beg me not to tell anyone saying that he would mend his ways. But things got worse as we would fight daily until I decided to go back to my parents’ house.

"Now I am happy. I have a job and live a peaceful life with my parents."

Amnah

Divorce is a perfect solution to end a woman’s suffering, suggests Amnah, Emirati, 34.

A mother of two boys, Amnah got her divorce after seven years of marriage when she could no longer accept a husband who philandered and beat her up frequently.

"I tolerated all these insults until I realised the hell I was living in would not only destroy me but my sons as well."

Amnah said that her parents chose her husband from a very reputable family in Dubai but "unfortunately he was the wrong person".

Umm Ali

Umm Ali, an Emirati woman, got her divorce after 20 years of marriage, which she says was filled with suffering because of the uncaring nature of her ex-husband.

However, the mother of four said, "The psychological pain I suffered when I was married was easier to bear than the suffering of being a divorced woman.

"Although he never abused me physically, he abandoned me completely and we were fighting all the time. In addition to his love affairs with different women, he had two more marriages.

"He didn’t pay attention to his children and used to give me only Dh500 per month for my personal expenses.

"My children have a better life now and are begging me not to go back to their father."

YOU SPEAK

  • Is divorce the final solution to a troubled marital life?
  • Why do you think there are fewer divorces in the East than in the West?
  • Is ‘Love conquers all’ a hollow line when couples don’t see eye to eye?

Tell us what you think.
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04:59 PM Sep 29 2008 |

:-(

India

hmmmm!

12:50 PM Apr 29 2009 |